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I think if things do not improve in the next year someone, I shall no longer live in this life. I am not needed here nor am I wanted. Thusly, I shall join my God and my mom and be at peace.

Janelle Pettit

I miss and love Janelle Pettit. I wasn't thankful for her when she was here. Even though she was with someone at the time, I got along with her easily enough. She is doing well now and I am happy for her, but I miss her so much. At least when she lived in Sioux Falls, she was a basket case like me. She knows what it's like to struggle with depression and feeling like nobody love you. She was beautiful, yet fragile, so fragile. A fun loving girl. Well, I had my chance like I have with many girls. I guess I will end up like Neitzche or Beethoven which sucks, but I guess after your dead, you won't know the difference. I wish Erica liked me, but she doesn't. The more I talk to her, the more I'm driving her away. I can't even attract the reject girls anymore. The girls who have nobody because they refuse to get close to anyone and then say that nobody likes them. The "popular" folk don't like them because they are too wierd and usually too ugly.
What do you like to do when you can't get to sleep?

Pace back and forth and panic. 


Got the rejection letter from Midcontinent. I wish I knew what was disqualifying me. I feel so useless and hopeless. I really would like to have a really nice job, not that Midcontinent is all that nice. Not something I want to do for the rest of my life for sure.


My mom passed away on December 13th. I miss her. And I have been left hanging in the wind. I myself don't even have a job. Thankfully I have some friends to help me, but that can't last forever. It makes me really mad that all of my relatives are so unsupportive and a wreck. It was their aunt who died and they were close to her too, but it is MY mom who died not theirs.

Writer's Block: The Holiday Hustle & Bustle

I wish I had that much to do and that many people to get to, but I don't. I barely know enough people that I can get it all done in person in one day.


I miss Niki. Niki was this girl, maybe, that I knew on myspace for a while. She was from Hungary and liked trees and nature. Knew her for over a year and then she just disappeared. Might not have even been a real person actually. Who knows. I miss her though. So thoughtful, kind, sweet.